Intercultural Dating: An American & Chinese Couple
"Coming out to family is never an easy thing in any culture. And it is a challenge we will have to deal with at some point down the road, but we are hopeful."
David, an expat from the United States, has been living in China for 2 years now. His partner Ryan is a native Beijinger and currently works in Shanghai. David shares more about how they met, intercultural dating, and the LGBTQ community in China.
For privacy reasons the couple prefers to not share photos.
What was your dating experience like in China before meeting your partner?
Beijing is a pretty transient city, so I noticed that many people I dated prior to meeting Ryan weren’t looking for a committed relationship. Interestingly, I met several people I briefly dated who eventually moved to Shanghai. When I realized that Ryan lived in Shanghai, I wasn’t sure if we would work out, but I’m so glad we’ve been able to make long distance work.
How did you and your partner meet? Who made the first move?
We actually met on Tinder! Ryan was visiting his family in Beijing for the Chinese New Year. I messaged first, but we both showed a lot of interest in each other from the very beginning.
When we set up the date, he told me he’d be on time. I already liked him. Meeting Ryan was the best Valentine’s Day and Birthday present I could have ever received. I felt like I could open up to him very quickly and felt very comfortable talking to him. I never felt this way on a first date before.
Two days later we met up again on his last day in Beijing. We got lunch and then went to the Great Leap. At Great Leap, he asked me questions about my Instagram and lots of personal questions about life. He was so genuine and I felt he really wanted to get to know me.
After this date, we were both really sad that he was leaving. We continued to video chat every day after he left Beijing and just one week later we made our relationship official.
Read more: 12 Years Together: 12 Of Our Favorite Date Spots in Beijing
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Have you had any cultural miscommunications because of your different backgrounds?
Ryan studied abroad in the UK for his Master’s Degree. He also grew up watching a lot of American Television. Because of this, our cultural miscommunication has been limited.
Still, we do have some differences. I love to show PDA, but he gets very shy when I do so. In addition, he’s forced me to wear an umbrella to protect myself from the sun. I found it funny when I saw him doing this himself, but I still would prefer to enjoy the sunshine️. Also, I enjoy swimming in an outdoor pool, but Ryan doesn’t like the sun. However, recently we went to a hotel with an outdoor swimming pool and he really enjoyed it! In fact, he wants to go to another pool soon!
Are there challenges that people in the LGBT+ community face when dating in China? Are there any challenges you and your partner have faced?
Our social circles are all of well educated and open minded people, and we don’t really feel any direct hurdles as a gay couple. Also we should say the broader society here in China, particularly large cities like Shanghai are becoming better informed in terms of different sexualities.
Coming out to family is never an easy thing in any culture. And it is a challenge we will have to deal with at some point down the road, but we are hopeful.
Read more: Call Me By My Name: What Pride Month Means to Me
Any advice for others who are dating interculturally or in the LGBT+ community in China?
A great quote from the latest Disney movie Luca - “Some people, they will never accept him. But some will. And he knows how to find the good ones.”
We get to choose our family as gay people. Find your own community. Be brave and make friends. There is no lack of social groups here, many very fun ones like archery, weekend getaway, fine dining, just to name a few. Or as David puts it, it’s really about finding the right WeChat group ;).
Read more: Intercultural Dating: Meet an Italian & Chinese Couple
Share Your Experience
If you would like to share about your experience dating interculturally in China, contact DNC Admin Rachel (WeChat ID: rachelweiss22).
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Date Night China is a digital media platform and events organization based in Beijing that aims to build a positive community and share stories about relationships and dating in China. Follow our Wechat Account for the latest articles, new podcast episodes, and upcoming events.